It has been a while...Time to refresh

There are days that I would give anything to just pack everything up and move away to start all over.  I am getting sick of the same stuff happening time and time again.  It is like the exact same story just playing itself out in many different scenes and venues, and some people just don't get it!  It is getting pretty old.  Maybe it won't be too much longer until something changes.  Then again, that may just be wishful thinking.  I guess time will tell, but until then, I will keep pushing on and "dealing with it".  There comes a point in someone's life where they are just ready for change.  My life has been full of changes, and I am ok with that.  In fact, I guess you could say that i enjoy it.  I am definitely at a Crossroads in my life.  Crossroads can make or break a life, and to be honest I am scared and excited all at the same time.  I am ready for change.  I am ready to move on.  I am ready to "grow up" and get on with life.  I want to break free and not feel like I am being restrained.  I would love an environment where I can be myself and not worry about being judged.  Is there such a place?  In some sense, I want to start a new life in a new place with new people.  I am ready to make friendships that will last more than 4 years.  I am ready to make friends that will care and accept me for who I am.  I am ready to develop friendships that will mean something.  I am ready to have friends that will stand behind me and encourage me.  Thanks to those of you that have done just that.  We will see what happens.  I will try to update this thing more often.

Until next time, I am out.

There are somethings that i just do not understand.  Everything is absolutely amazing in my life!  I have an incredible family and an amazing girlfriend that both love me so much.  I am about to graduate from college, and i have a few leads on a job. I feel that my spiritual life is getting closer to where i would like it to be. What else could i want?  Nothing...and that is what i don;t understand.  I have all of these great things, yet I feel so lonely, detached, and maybe a little dperessed.  I can't really put my finger on what it is or why i am feeling this way, and that is making it even worse.  Usually, when this happens, i pick up the phone and give my grandfather a call.  He always had the right words to say, and even when he didn't know what to say, his voice just made everything better.  It is so hard not having that option anymore.  i think he was my coping mechanism and always made things so much better.  i jus feel like i am a completely different person now that he is gone.  Maybe it is just that i am taking him being gone harder than i realize or want to talk about.  It seems like it would get better with time, but it is actually getting worse.  i miss him so much, i don't even know how to act...

Well, here i sit getting ready to start my senior year/semester.  Things are going pretty good w/ me, but i wish some things would change.  I loved going home for a few days this weekend.  It was so nice to see my family and spend time with them.  I had a blast with everyone there and really didn't want to come back.  Then i did come back, and its like everything changed.  It is a difference between night and day.  I getting to the point where i kinda just want to stay gone.  Things are much better then...

It is kind of different not having any responsibility on campus this year.  Relaxing for sure, but different.  I basically feel completely out of the loop, which i knew would happen.  When you have a "position" you know what is going on, people actually call when they do stuff, etc.  Now, i never know anything that is happening. i love this place, but it is getting to the point that i just want to be done and move on with my life i guess.  I pretty much sit in my apartment and play PS2 and thats about it. It is very different from last year.  In some ways, it is eye opening to things, and in other ways, it is very discouraging.  Oh well, i guess i better learn to deal with it. 

WOW, it has been a really long time since i have posted anything on here.  I am not even sure what gave me the urge to post now.  I don't really have that much to say, especially on here for everyone to read.  There sure has been a lot take place in my life since my last post.  I think the thing that sticks out the most is the loss of my grandfather.  It still feels like it just happened.  I cannot even believe he is gone.  Ever since that day, i don;t feel like i have been "myself".  There is a piece of me missing.  I am not even sure where it went or what happened to it, but it is definitely gone.  Maybe one day i will realize what happened to it.  He was such an incredible man!  I just pray that one day i will be able to look back over my life and see that i have impacted just 1% of the people that he impacted with his life....There is a lot about me that has to change if that is the case. 

It feels so strange to post again...